i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
