Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
