there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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