she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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