Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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