I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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