i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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