Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.

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(754): View more from Florida

Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day

Fav 6 2983 1079
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(516): View more from New York

I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.

Fav 15 4925 1176
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(361): View more from Texas

As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.

Fav 12 7414 1954
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(217): View more from Illinois

Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?

(217): View more from Illinois

Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate

Fav 9 1880 997
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(778): View more from British Columbia

You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.

Fav 5 2881 1247
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(910): View more from North Carolina

If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants

Fav 5 1787 903
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(630): View more from Illinois

I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.

Fav 3 483 421
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(705): View more from Ontario

He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much

Fav 0 50 11
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