I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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