I queefed so loud it echoed.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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