Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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