I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
