apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
