Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
