I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
