We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it hurts more in the daytime
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize