i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
