And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Randomize
