I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
