i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
