Where is the hickey?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
