Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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