Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
