finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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