u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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