if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
