My brain says no but my pants say off.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
