i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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