So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Text me some of your sweat
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
