...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
