She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
