I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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