Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
