ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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