Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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