you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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