He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think I sprained my soul last night
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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