wrigley field is MILF paradise
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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