Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
