Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
