your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
