i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
