Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
