i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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