he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
