OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
