dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
