Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I looked at my own cervix.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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