My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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