Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
