Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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