I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize