We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
