after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
