I'm really into asian looking animals
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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