I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
