I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
that is very illegal...i love you.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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