After last night, I could never be a politician.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
