totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i now understand why vodka
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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