Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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