I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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