Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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