dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
