Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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