Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
