He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize