i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
