Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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