beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
