Say something about gay babies.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize