ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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