I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Randomize
