this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
