Im at strip club and am horny
I love black thongs
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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