Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
