I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
