naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
