cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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