Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Watching her eat just hurts me
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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