he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
